Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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