if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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