Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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