my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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