bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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