Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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