man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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