I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
