soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
