i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Floor bacon is actually really good
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
