whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
