He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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