i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
