she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
