it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
