i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
