you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
