I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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