i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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