walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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