BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
