Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
