mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
