wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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