When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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