Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
