Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
