Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
