remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Quick, to the slutcave!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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