Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
