I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
