she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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