you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
