How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
