Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
