its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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