What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
