hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
