So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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