So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
