Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
