chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
