Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
