This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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