idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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