I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
