I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
