the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
