these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
