she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
