i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
