I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
