guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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