Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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