in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
