Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
