some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
