Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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