hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
