In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Princesses don't give blow jobs
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup