sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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