I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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