So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
