i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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