Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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