he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
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