Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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