I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
