We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
