How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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