So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
