hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
