On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
