She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
