you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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