if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
