dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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