I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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