"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
