I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
