I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
