I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
