Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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