Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't notice because vodka
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
