you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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