Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
