Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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