He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
