dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
